Second Time Mom Fears | Little Ark Kids

  

Lately Klair has been talking up a storm and constantly amazing me with her vocabulary and ability to form precise (and oftentimes grammatically correct) sentences. This has been going on for a few months now and increasing a lot lately. You would think I'd be used to it by now... but I'm not. I don't know if I can ever get used to having conversations with Klair because, in my mind, she will always be my baby.

Sometimes, I forget her actual age. She is so skilled at expressing her emotions, and so easy to talk to... that when she actually acts like a 2 year old it startles me and I find myself expecting more out of her. ...until I remember that she is  a 2 year old, and I should probably expect/allow it.  I guess I both love and hate the fact that she acts older. I mean, it's nice in terms of our ability to communicate effectively, but why does she have to be in such a hurry to grow up? She just barley had her second birthday, yet if you ask she'll confidently tell you she's six... and I think she believes it.

I broke down crying the other night to Sam. It was probably a combination of how late we had stayed up and pregnancy hormones, but I was pretty unconsolable on the point that Klair is simply growing up too fast. I know that parenting (like life) is nothing but constant change, but what if I don't want it to change? I really like the way things are now, and part of me would love to find a pause button... or at least a slow-motion option. Klair is adorable right now, and so fun! AND, she loves me... like... adores me, and needs me constantly. She actually wants me around... and I'd be kidding myself if I believed it will be that way forever. At some point I will no longer be mama/mommy, and I'll just be mom. Or, the dreaded "Mo-o-m!" followed by an eye roll. Please slow down baby girl, and stop growing for just a minute will you?

I think I also feel the impending birth of our second child. And, while I'm over the moon with excitement to meet him, I'll be honest: I'm a little nervous as to what another baby will do the dynamic of our family, and my relationship with Klair. Everyone tells me it will be fine, that we will adjust--and I know we will. But let's be honest, she's been spoiled. She has had my full attention during the days for, well, her whole life... and both mine and Sam's attention at night once he's home. It's going to be hard on my first born to suddenly have to compete for our time throughout the day. I know this is ultimately a good thing for her, a healthy change of pace... but I still have feelings of pre-guilt for the abrupt change that's about to take place--something I can't really prepare her for even though we've had many a conversation on the topic to try and soften the blow a little. And then I have feelings of guilt knowing that I won't be able to give our son the same level of attention that Klair received in her first couple of years... it's simply not possible. I want to do it all--be it all--but I feel inadequate to the task. Often times I think, "Ugh, I still have 15 weeks to go! That seems like forever!" Yet, when I contemplate the thoughts above I'm more inclined to feel like 15 weeks isn't nearly enough time. I want to savor and enjoy this time with Klair as much as possible, because April will rapidly approach and life is about to change drastically. I remember having a newborn... newborns are hard. And last time I didn't also have a toddler vying for my attention/affection.

Anyway, there's a peak inside the thoughts that have been plaguing me lately. Does it make sense to be completely excited for something while simultaneously terrified of it as well? Because that's how I feel about having a second kid. Quite the combination of emotions, I know. I can't really make sense of it myself.  I suppose all I can do is put my trust in the Lord and one foot in front of the other. My amazing husband reminded me that despite my own insufficiencies in parenting, He is sufficient... and it's enough to calm my worried mind in times like these.

On a slightly unrelated note, my daughter is pretty cute right? I know some people don't like it when parents openly brag about their kids... but I don't care. I can't help it. I find her absolutely adorable, and I'm in love with these photos that Sam took of her in her new little camera shirt--compliments of Little Ark Kids. Klair is obsessed with this new top, and I can see why. I love how simple Little Ark's clothing is--the type of tees that are easily dressed up or down depending on the occasion. In addition to being cute, this shirt is also so soft--a very comfortable option for a little girl on the go.

Make sure to check out this fun little local shop and their handmade apparel for kids on Instagram and Etsy, and have a happy (and safe) New Year's Eve!

Little Ark Kids

Instagram | Etsy 

Klairisms: The Sweetest 21 Months of Our Lives

This girl is 21 months old. Do you think I could convince her to stop growing? As much as it pains me to think that she's almost two, I'm also really excited to see her grow. She's such an amazing child, and I feel blessed to be able to watch her personality unfold. Below are some of my favorite "Klairisms" that fill our lives with more happiness than we knew was possible: 

• She is obsessed with this little gold purse we bought her... and her shoes, and her bows, and her dresses. She tells everyone about them, including strangers. She is a girly girl in every sense of the word. 
• She wants to ride her "bike" constantly. She inherited it from her older cousins, and she could play on it all day if we let her. 
• On the other hand some of her favorite toys are cars, she adores her basketball hoop, and one of her new favorites is "mat man" a.k.a. the batman doll she fell in love with at the store when she saw it. Basically, little miss is breaking stereotypes and defining her own sense of self. I love this about her. 
• She is really stubborn, in an impressive kind of way. She will refuse to eat something that she isn't interested in--even at the expense of going hungry. Or, tonight for instance, we decided to go on a family walk. We ended up walking over a mile away, and on the way back she refused to sit in her stroller. She kept insisting "I walk!" So, we let her walk, thinking she would get tired after awhile. We never imagined she would walk the entire way back, most of which is a steep incline. Impressive, stubborn child. 
• She dislikes flies. Recently one made it's way into our house, and every time she would see it she would back away exclaiming "Nooo! No!"
• She loves to help me cook. She often wakes up from her afternoon nap asking to "mix it mix it" because her assistance to my cooking consists of stirring things... and taste testing/snacking.
• She loves me these days. She's going through a Mama's girl phase, and I'm okay with it. 
• She's extremely affectionate. She'll often stop what she's doing just to come over and give us hugs and kisses. 
• She gives the best hugs. She'll squeeze so tight her little arms shake.
• We recently got a new bed and mattress, and she can't get enough of it. She cries every night that she wants to sleep in "Mama's bed" ...and sometimes we give in. It's kind of a problem. 
• She randomly started saying "oh baby." I'm not sure where it came from, but it's hilarious and adorable to hear her say it. 
• She's too smart for our own good, bordering on manipulative. Every night once she realizes it's time for bed she'll start crying, "nummy food!" which is her favorite phrase to let us know she's hungry. Knowing that we won't let her go without, we get her food and she'll eat very slowly and try to distract us/provoke us to play with her. If we force her to focus on the food and eat it, she's suddenly "all done." It's obviously a stalling tactic, but we go through it every night in the off chance she's actually hungry because neither of us can stomach the thought of forcing her to go to bed hungry. 
• She loves to dance! As soon as she hears any music, she'll yell "dance!" and start moving around/spinning in circles no matter the setting or her audience. I signed her up for a pre-ballet class for 2-4 year olds, which she started today. Even though she isn't quite 2, they're allowing her to participate because she's so social and adept at listening. She did wonderfully today. After a few minutes she let me leave her. The studio has a wall with a window for the parents to watch through, and she would occasionally leave the group beaming ear to ear to come say hi to me. All I had to do was gesture for her to go back and she would happily trot back over to the other kids. She kept pace really well with the older girls, and when it was time to leave she cried "Dance! I stay!" She only let us leave once I assured her that we could come again. 
• She enjoys counting and singing the alphabet so much that we'll often hear her reciting these by herself. My favorite is her version of "L M N O P" because she runs them together and it sounds more like a rapid fire "EL-EL-EL-OH-P!" 
• She loves babies, and she's extremely gentle with them. She'll softly pat them on the head and give them kisses. She loves to rock her baby dolls, sing to them, change their diapers, and she'll even burp them. It's so sweet to see her natural inclination toward nurturing. 
• She is sweet and sympathetic. I've been sick lately, which has resulted in us staying home more. I haven't been as active with her as I usually am. She's been really understanding. One day I was explaining to her that "mama's sick." She looked at me, stroked my hair, took my face into her hands, and gave me a kiss followed by one of her tight squeeze hugs. Sweetest. Moment. Ever!

I'm continually amazed by the amount of love and joy that Klair brings into our lives. 

We are blessed beyond belief. 

20 Months Never Looked so Good

Klair is 20 months! She's actually a few weeks older than 20 months, but I'm a slacker. Better late than never, right? These pictures were taken a few weeks ago, and they're likely my favorite of all time. Sam captured her personality so perfectly! It was windy out, and every time a gust of wind would blow by she would throw her hands in the air and run around as if she were controlling the elements. Pure, simple, unrestrained joy. I couldn't love her more if I tried.

In honor of this 20 month mark, here are some of my favorite current Klair-isms:

//She giggles when her dad comes home. She stands at the gate as he walks up the stairs and just starts smiling/laughing. 

//She calls me "mommy" now, and she is becoming quite the "mommy's girl."

//She loves to give spontaneous kisses--and often kiss-attacks our faces. 

//Her vocabulary has increased 10 fold in the last few weeks. She's been trying a lot more words, and her pronunciation has improved dramatically. Some of my favorites are "button" "diaper" "church" "basketball" and  "apple juice" because she says them perfectly. 

//She also speaks in shorts sentences like "no more apple juice." It's surreal to hear my baby communicate so effectively. 

//Today, when we were walking back from a trip to the park, she saw our house and said "home." There was something very sweet about her recognition of and excitement to be home.

//She loves to "tell secrets"--i.e. she'll come whisper jibberish in your ear when you ask her to tell you a secret.

//Furthermore, Sam started a little game with her where he asks if he can tell her a secret. She'll say "yeah" and then he'll whisper "I Love you!" in her ear and tickle her. She belly laughs every time. And, even though she knows he'll tickle her, she says yes and braces herself. Apparently she likes being tickled.

//She'll walk around the house yelling "A-AAAM!" when she can't find her dad. This one is my fault. I usually call him "dada" around her, but I yell his name when I'm calling him. She picked up on it.

//She is very neat. She absolutely hates having food on her hands, clothes, or even on her bib. I've been giving her a napkin lately while she eats, and she constantly cleans up while eating.

//She enjoys cleaning up her toys as much as taking them out. I'm okay with this. She also likes to help me sweep, vacuum, and do the dishes. I hope this isn't just a phase.

//She loves to sing-- some of her current favorites include the "Alphabet Song," "Happy Baby" ("Happy Birthday"), "Row Row Row Your Boat", and "Old McDonald."

//Her animal impressions are spot on, and her pig noise (snorting) is hilariously adorable.

//She calls herself "you" when she sees photos, looks in the mirror, etc because she's picked up on the fact that we say "you."

//She likes to sit on her mini potty and pretend to go, but she isn't too keen on sitting on it without a diaper yet.

//She loves babies, and will sing to them and bring them toys when they're around. She also likes to rock her baby dolls and sing "Rock-a-Bye Baby." I think she'll make an amazing big sister someday.

//She loves makeup, bows, jewelry, shoes, dresses, and nail polish--and can ask for each of these by name.

//She also loves cars, and could play with them for hours.

//She dances a lot. I taught her how to spin like a ballerina with her hands in the air, but she can't reach very high, so she just puts her hands on her head and turns in circles.

//She likes to sprint around yelling "run!" It's really cute, except when she does it in church.

//Speaking of church, she loves nursery. She isn't bothered at all when I leave her to play with the kids and toys.

//She is obsessed with her cousins. She often calls them by name and asks if we can see them.

//She can count to 3 on her own (she'll say one, two, three! before running back and forth) and to ten with help.

I could continue on forever. She is constantly surprising me with her intelligence and intuitiveness, making me laugh with her sense of humor, and bringing a smile to my face with her natural sweetness. I love this age, and I'm desperately in love with this girl. I can't believe I get to call her mine.

Let Them Be Little

"I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon.

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes,
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see.
Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is please--

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day.
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh just let them be little.

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around--
it's time to let them go.

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day.
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh just let them be little.
Let them be little."

-Billy Dean 

These pictures were taken a few days ago. I was still feeling a little under the weather from my July cold, so we spent the day at home. My little ever-happy-ray-of-sunshine found immense joy in a bundle of plastic straws I gave her. Sam started snapping some photos of us--she thought it was particularly hilarious to shove them in my mouth. She and I have so much fun together, and it's really fun to see some candid photos of us playing and laughing. 

As the day pressed on, I felt an increasing amount of cabin fever. Thus, we ventured outside despite feeling a little under the weather. I needed to get out of the house, breathe some fresh air, and watch Klair enjoy the world around her. We went to a nearby park, and Sam took more photos of us playing. Usually, when he takes my photo, I dress for the occasion. This was not one of those times. Yet, despite my lack of makeup, my t-shirt, and Klair's unkempt, messy hair--I love them. I even like the ones of me laughing! This is a huge triumph for me. A year ago, I probably would have begged Sam to delete these photos. He would have protested, and we would have (angrily) settled on keeping them, but never letting them see the light of day. Now, I look at these photos and see the beauty of love between a mother and daughter. Nothing else matters. 

Recently my sister asked my husband to design the quote below. She saw it somewhere, fell in love, and wanted to hang it in her house. Being the awesome designer that he is, Sam quickly threw it together. We are going to frame it, and give it to her for her birthday. I really like the message of it. It's a good reminder to appreciate what I have right now. It's easy to get caught up in the frustrations that inevitably come with raising a toddler--to focus on the negative, to lose my patience. Yet, in the end, all of my mommy woes are good "problems" to have. I am grateful for the frustrations, because it means that I have the blessing of being a mother--something that is denied to so many. I get to experience life, love, and happiness to the fullest.The good, the bad--it's all just part of the experience--a journey that I'm infinitely grateful for. And, I know that someday I will miss reading "Ten Little Ladybugs" ten thousand times in a row. My living room will feel empty without toys strewn across it. My soul will long for the sleepless nights spent holding my baby girl. 

These are words to live by. 

Klair Marie is 18 months! | The Photo Shoot

Exactly 1.5 years ago today I held the most precious, perfect child in my arms for the first time. Born wide-eyed and smiling, when our eyes met for the first time my heart stopped, my breathing ceased--and I've never been the same. My capacity for joy, sadness, anxiety, contentment...basically my ability to feel was magnified exponentially. I became both stronger and more vulnerable than ever. And, in a year and a half, I've learned more about life, love, and eternity than I managed to in the (almost) 24 years before her. She is my greatest teacher. She is God's love unfeigned. 

Because we consider her to be our princess and angel, dressing her this way seemed appropriate. I'm one lucky mama. And a lucky wife! Sam captured all of these moments. I think he's pretty talented, and it was so sweet to see the love in his eyes as he photographed his baby girl. 

I wanted to post this pictures as soon as possible because I couldn't wait to share them, but I do have an update post in the works complete with some videos of baby girl's current "Klairisms" (as I like to call them). She is so smart and funny these days, I feel like video is the only way to accurately capture her ever-evolving personality. I'll hopefully have that posted by tomorrow. 

In the mean time here are some of my favorites from the photo shoot. 

The face she pulls when we ask her to say "cheese:" 

The face she pulled after she finally managed to pull her headband off 

(a feat she had been attempting throughout the shoot): 

Happy half birthday Miss Marie!